u r out with family to watch a movie and u say 'no' to samosas and coffee, then u go to a restaurant with them where u r surrounded by all sorts of foods n smells and u say 'no' to dinner..fuck! food is poison or what! m too fed up of being fat. i want lose as in lose in real than just losing a couple of kgs a month or so.. and with the dance coming up..i need to reduce myself to look like other girls in the group coz m the central dancer and i have to look perfect in every way!!! i have the rhythm, the grace, the pace but a body!!!
so m practically living on water and fruits! its a healthy diet that i assume shudnt add extra flab. also, daily dance practice is gonna help me get into shape. This is it! m too serious now, i just wanna go for it..i wanna try what crash diet feels like... how light i wud feel after havin lost a considerable amount of weight.. and how happy i wud feel for myself having controlled my weight against my tendency to put on.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Sunday, April 13, 2008
emotional trap? ..whatever!!
its been 2 years now, m living away from aai and sidd...n its an absolute bliss! everything is perfect- i dont have to listen to their loud fights whole day, or be a good girl n go to bed at 10 or eat on time, nor answer all the possible questions mum asks when i leave the house, or go around with family when i have piles of pending work...god, mum doesnt realise how dominating she is at times! i feel so trapped if m in bombay for a day or two or even when shes here in pune!
i cant continue staying with gadgils with my own family being around. actually mum wudnt give me a choice..so i rather not live with that hope! 15 days to go... we saw 4 places 2day, and finalised one right away..its airy, close to gadgils, and mum loved it.
The more she talks about how we wud decorate our new home..and how we wud have family time, the heavier i feel inside. mum, m in college whole day, i work at home almost all nite..what about my exhistance! i mean the time i have 2day, to concentrate on my work, and the flexibility to work at any time wud be screwed!
anyways, time is the one factor i trust..hope we get along well..coz we all have changed in the past 2 years! sidd is a teenager now, mum is more into sidd than me, which i love! dad is more at peace with his work but not really about sidd. and i m used to managing myself and work n taking decisions for myself- like spending or saving money, deciding whats favourable for work matters etc. since no one in my family is in art feild, i have to do things by myself.
This b'day i decided, i wanted to be financially independent when m 21, enough to tell dad that i want to separate, like, not go way, but not live together in the family. ofcourse i care for them, but catching up once in a week is good enough.
so m freelancing too now! i dont wana be a girl in the crowd, who wud take some degree, then a stable job and finally get married to a similar 'rat race victim' and screw my life!
i cant continue staying with gadgils with my own family being around. actually mum wudnt give me a choice..so i rather not live with that hope! 15 days to go... we saw 4 places 2day, and finalised one right away..its airy, close to gadgils, and mum loved it.
The more she talks about how we wud decorate our new home..and how we wud have family time, the heavier i feel inside. mum, m in college whole day, i work at home almost all nite..what about my exhistance! i mean the time i have 2day, to concentrate on my work, and the flexibility to work at any time wud be screwed!
anyways, time is the one factor i trust..hope we get along well..coz we all have changed in the past 2 years! sidd is a teenager now, mum is more into sidd than me, which i love! dad is more at peace with his work but not really about sidd. and i m used to managing myself and work n taking decisions for myself- like spending or saving money, deciding whats favourable for work matters etc. since no one in my family is in art feild, i have to do things by myself.
This b'day i decided, i wanted to be financially independent when m 21, enough to tell dad that i want to separate, like, not go way, but not live together in the family. ofcourse i care for them, but catching up once in a week is good enough.
so m freelancing too now! i dont wana be a girl in the crowd, who wud take some degree, then a stable job and finally get married to a similar 'rat race victim' and screw my life!
Thursday, April 10, 2008
*retro dancing*
a big time hit! no wonder everyone from college students to aunties and uncles wanna dance on those tracks! its like a sure shot ace for stage performances. so mr.isaac thot of dancing on 'aj kal tere mere' , 'chhod do anchal' and those kinda shaky shaky dances for the annual day. hes finally convinced me to dance with him (yeah, i was unsure how i wud be on stage n its been 8 years since i last performed!) So, we r on! I got over the weight consciousness finally, m not that fat NOW , but still i was at some time, n that consciousness is at the back of my mind n keeps popping up when it hears the word 'stage' or some kinda public appearance. But i look much thinner these days, as all my reliable sources say, so m gonna give it a shot!
retro dancing is fun, m watching videos and trying out the steps, n i think i can do well. but the bombaite shud be here soon to rehearse.
i also have a contemporary dance to perform with a group of girls. we've almost fixed up 'breathing light' as our music. lets c, i really hope this works out! it wud be great, VCIC wud get sm standard! coz last year's annual day was 'miserable'! no, it was worse than that. so this year, all those who dint perform last year, for god knows what reasons, have thot of rocking it this year!!
retro dancing is fun, m watching videos and trying out the steps, n i think i can do well. but the bombaite shud be here soon to rehearse.
i also have a contemporary dance to perform with a group of girls. we've almost fixed up 'breathing light' as our music. lets c, i really hope this works out! it wud be great, VCIC wud get sm standard! coz last year's annual day was 'miserable'! no, it was worse than that. so this year, all those who dint perform last year, for god knows what reasons, have thot of rocking it this year!!
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
bombay dictionary
A project, that i believe, is bringing out a good deal of creativity out of me.
Its basically a pictorial presentation of unique happenings in mumbai. Its got A-Z words that make mumbai the crazy city that it is. Somnath sir loved it. He suggested i add the thought process that has gone behind the idea, into the presentation. that made me really happy, he appreciated my thinking, the last project 'creative junk' was also liked by him. at that time too he had suggested i add pop-ups to make the user realise the thot behind developing the game.
Back to BD! I must say, this is my first multi scene flash presentation. its a creative learning process- the ideas that strike on the spot, the action-scripting concepts...
I have mainly used scribbles and simple graphics, which i believe are developing into a good personal style. i enjoy doing it and m gettin better. I loved doing the 'designer's desk' scene, where in i have included info about me and the making of bombay dictionary, as suggested by sir. Now the only part left is the music, which i will come up with very soon...good things take time to happen...hehe...n i dont wanna make compromises with this one!
i have been working all thru last 3 nights on it, ruining my health as aai says, but i have a blast when i work anyways! its a different world all together ..no phone calls, no door bells, no one to bug u at night...its only u, ur focus on the work and not to forget ur music!!! keep the volume up!
Its basically a pictorial presentation of unique happenings in mumbai. Its got A-Z words that make mumbai the crazy city that it is. Somnath sir loved it. He suggested i add the thought process that has gone behind the idea, into the presentation. that made me really happy, he appreciated my thinking, the last project 'creative junk' was also liked by him. at that time too he had suggested i add pop-ups to make the user realise the thot behind developing the game.
Back to BD! I must say, this is my first multi scene flash presentation. its a creative learning process- the ideas that strike on the spot, the action-scripting concepts...
I have mainly used scribbles and simple graphics, which i believe are developing into a good personal style. i enjoy doing it and m gettin better. I loved doing the 'designer's desk' scene, where in i have included info about me and the making of bombay dictionary, as suggested by sir. Now the only part left is the music, which i will come up with very soon...good things take time to happen...hehe...n i dont wanna make compromises with this one!
i have been working all thru last 3 nights on it, ruining my health as aai says, but i have a blast when i work anyways! its a different world all together ..no phone calls, no door bells, no one to bug u at night...its only u, ur focus on the work and not to forget ur music!!! keep the volume up!
Friday, April 4, 2008
vibes
..i took around a month to get over my confused state and be at peace...me n sumit messed up hundreds of times in this time, freaked at each other and kept patching up! thats how it is..we always fight and next instant we'd be talking abt our next project.
We rock ultimately coz:
I am the most unstable element.
He is stable in his own rigid way.
I have many friends but zero constant work partners.
He has one frined and one work partner.
I follow my instincts and make the best of 2day.
He is ambitious and futuristic.
I need assurance.
He needs a push.
We rock ultimately coz:
I am the most unstable element.
He is stable in his own rigid way.
I have many friends but zero constant work partners.
He has one frined and one work partner.
I follow my instincts and make the best of 2day.
He is ambitious and futuristic.
I need assurance.
He needs a push.
finally happening
2day i pinned up the newspaper poster, me n sumit always wanted to, rather sumit coz i kept changing my mind, untill yesterday! i was so irritated with mandar sir ,so damn kicked by the group discussion with the juniors and so fed up of being in the nutshell, that i finally took it to the newspaper. me n sumit have the coolest of ideas for it and now is the time to act! so i made a rough one at home n we finalized it 2day in college.
Mandar was shocked beyond imagination! He asked us who had told us to do the newspaper n we obviously spoke the truth i. e. we always wanted to do it and dint wanna wait for smone to tell us, after all it shud be a student driven newspaper. He said our move was like a taunt to him!!!!!! I felt like we had hit the target! he said now lets not wait for anyone and do this...hello hello..we dnt need u mister...plz get lost n dont bother us...u jumping jack...good for nothing! we'd rather runaway than work with ur cheap ideas. Sumit wants to do this project for his portfolio so he wants me, so we two can make it the best, which he cant n nor can i! but i wanna do it not only to add to my projects but to stir the idea of thinking out of the shell...which many students in our college lack! i want to stimulate them and make them realise, art is not about high salary or name...its all about Passion. I also wanna tell mandar that its the willingness not the future credits that give trigger to a real artist!
I my case lets say humanitarian artist. What is wrong, has to be improved and once improved, it has to be that way forever...
Mandar was shocked beyond imagination! He asked us who had told us to do the newspaper n we obviously spoke the truth i. e. we always wanted to do it and dint wanna wait for smone to tell us, after all it shud be a student driven newspaper. He said our move was like a taunt to him!!!!!! I felt like we had hit the target! he said now lets not wait for anyone and do this...hello hello..we dnt need u mister...plz get lost n dont bother us...u jumping jack...good for nothing! we'd rather runaway than work with ur cheap ideas. Sumit wants to do this project for his portfolio so he wants me, so we two can make it the best, which he cant n nor can i! but i wanna do it not only to add to my projects but to stir the idea of thinking out of the shell...which many students in our college lack! i want to stimulate them and make them realise, art is not about high salary or name...its all about Passion. I also wanna tell mandar that its the willingness not the future credits that give trigger to a real artist!
I my case lets say humanitarian artist. What is wrong, has to be improved and once improved, it has to be that way forever...
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
expectations
tricky, very tricky... expectations can bring out the best in u or deteriorate u . in the second case u not only disappoint the ones who expect but also urself. n that hurts badly. puts u into some kinda phase which cant be explained. u know u have to do better, but suddenly ur mind is blocked. u only think of what others wud think of ur work where u shud be thinking abt what u feel abt ur work. in correct conditions u shud feel happy, but not satisfied. satisfaction ends the passion. if u make a painting that seems perfect to a layman, u shud know what it lacks. never be satisfied with ur work, always keep puttin in passion and creativity and it will only improve. most important is to be what u r with urself and let ppl go take a hike. care a damn, give ur work the best u can at that time.
good work leads to higher expectations for the next asgnt. if u cant meet those, u r labeled to have degraded. feel bad abt it. sob. yell. go nuts. lock urself in ur room. dont talk to ppl. bunk college. but rasie again. dont live in the joy of the past, make the best of the present, take over ur past achievements and create new standards and always grow higher. be ur own competitor. in any case lost or won, u know who is to be blamed or praised.
be independent. take suggessions from experienced ppll but ultimately do what ur heart wants to.
good work leads to higher expectations for the next asgnt. if u cant meet those, u r labeled to have degraded. feel bad abt it. sob. yell. go nuts. lock urself in ur room. dont talk to ppl. bunk college. but rasie again. dont live in the joy of the past, make the best of the present, take over ur past achievements and create new standards and always grow higher. be ur own competitor. in any case lost or won, u know who is to be blamed or praised.
be independent. take suggessions from experienced ppll but ultimately do what ur heart wants to.
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