m not alone..its just a phase that m going thru..

we were having fun last nite after the annual function, when isaac had to say that my mind is preoccupied with many things. i hated that coz i was having a good time and he reminded me of the whole shifting thing. i think i shudnt have told anyone untill the shifting had taken place! but i did. and isaac can read my face clearly. its impossible to hide things from him.

i feel sick the moment i thnk of living with sidd and mum. they make me uneasy in a day, what will i do for 5 years??? its not like my family is shifting, coz my family is incomplete without the presence of baba, aji and ajoba at home. so i wud say only sidd and aai r shifting. baba is never home, hes travelling all the time. aji ajoba want to continue staying in vile parle.. so who is left out to stick with sidd and aai, is me! naaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!

i had asked aai and baba to send me to a hostel when i went to 11th std. i dint want to continue living with non stop chaos and shoutings and what nots... but they dint let me. i stayed with them for 2 years. and those 2 years i only searched for good colleges way away from mumbai. I dint make it to NID, my fate! may be i dint try with the right intention! then i got to know abt VCIC and i took my chances. i knew it was a baby college, but i had to come out of the life i was living so i convinced baba somehow and escaped.

And finally, i was at peace! no bugging sidd...no aai nothing to bother me, just me! i was happy i got peace and sid was happy he got the entire room that we used to share. i dont remember, we calling up each other anytime, to say hi or enquire abt our health n stuff, reason- we were happy without each other! i spoke to aai every week and we updated each other. that was cool coz she wasnt in my everyday scene, eyeing me! but she missed being with me like hell. coz i used to share every lil thing with her and suddenly she realised that her daughter was independent enough to handle certain things by herself.

And now, she wants to come back in my everyday life, so that i share things with her the way i used to '2 years ago' and she likes that. i cant do that , coz i have moved on. i have grown up..infact i feel better now. i think she shud just worry abt sidd. i had also said that while leaving mumbai. i had said, 'aai. now u dont have to worry abt me, i will manage. just make sure u attend to sidd, he needs it more than me. he is a special child, a unique case, lets say. baba is never around, so its u alone and u can better focus on one child than two. m old enough now, i will always keep updating u and talk to u when i feel like or miss u.' n i meant that. i still do.

aai plz, dont make 'me' a reason of ur life. i wud not appreciate that! n it wud hurt u more when i have a separate home and family. sidd will also grow older and step into a college life. and u will be left alone. we wud only live together physically! u must start getting urself involved in some social activity, and dont stop ur practice, u r a great doc! i hate to say this, but u r sacrificing a lot. all this, is enough of an experience for me, to think of not gettin married or not having kids. i sense, i wud just 'live in' with someone or live alone.